the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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