she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's rum buckets o'clock
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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