i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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