Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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