So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
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Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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