Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
