so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
