You're my little dorito
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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