you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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