I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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