is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i barfeds in our rink
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
