ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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