R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
