Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
wow bdsm is so cute
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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