Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
