Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
