Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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