I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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