I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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