whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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