who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
