So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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