"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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