somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Randomize
