I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
