Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
