Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
