I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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