addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
