mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Rumble strips road head = magical
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
