so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
