Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
