is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
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i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
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She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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