he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
