I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
