oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Farmville is her only friend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
