You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
