she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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