We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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