So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
