I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I am mentally ready for anal.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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