True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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