just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
