that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
