Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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