That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's shark week go big or go home
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
