i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
