dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
