and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
