I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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