No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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