Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
