there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
