just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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