Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
