can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
