I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
