I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
