I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
