can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
