Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
