I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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