So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
