So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
