And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
