Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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