Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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