I wish my penis had an off switch
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
