WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
