you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
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I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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