a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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