Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
